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Cheque out this drove of Rodney Dangerfield quotes and jokes. We did our all-time to bring you simply the best. You volition sure find them funny, or we're not Humoropedia.com.

Rodney Dangerfield Caddyshack Quotes

The quotes below are the ones Rodney Dangerfield said while playing the graphic symbol of Al Czervik.

i Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the melt this is low course dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak yet has marks from where the jockey was hit it.

2 [to his Asian companion] I hear this identify is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

iii Al Czervik: Y'all're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna brand 14 dollars the hard way?

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four Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you lot must've been something earlier electricity.

five Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a lid similar this I bet yous go a gratuitous bowl of soup, huh?
[looks at Estimate Smails, who's wearing the aforementioned lid] Al Czervik: Oh, it looks expert on y'all though.

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Best Rodney Dangerfield Wife Jokes

seven What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me virtually the butcher and my wife.

8 I oasis't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

nine My married woman and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.

10 My married woman's cooking is so bad the flies ready our screens.

11 I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, ii plumbers, and a bartender.

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12 My wife a bang-up driver, she once hit a deer. Information technology was in a zoo.

xiii My wife had her driver's test the other 24-hour interval. She got eight out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

14 Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said: "No, but I did get the license number".

xv My wife's not to smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. she said, "all kids odour that way".

sixteen It's tough to stay married. My married woman says no because she'southward tired, and then stays up and reads her volume.

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17 Information technology'southward tough to stay married. My wife kisses the canis familiaris on the lips, yet she won't drink from my drinking glass.

18 My wife made me join her span club. I spring next Tuesday.

19 My marriage is on the rocks again. Aye, my wife just broke upwards with her young man.

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20 During due south** my married woman always wants to talk to me. Only the other night she called me from a hotel.

21 I was tired 1 night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked pic of my wife.

22 Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a **xy negligee. The merely trouble was, she was coming domicile.

23 My wife only has due south** with me for a purpose. Last nighttime she used me to time an egg.

24 One night I came habitation, I figured I let my wife come on. I'll play it absurd. Allow her brand the first move. She went to Florida.

25 I'll tell ya, my married woman and I, we don't recollect akin. She donates coin to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless! Check Out The Best Money Jokes Ever Said

26 I tell ya, my married woman was never prissy. On our kickoff appointment, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight osculation on the cheek – she aptitude over!

27 With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the all-time woman a homo e'er had.' The waiter joined me. Cheque Out Actually Funny Waiter Jokes Yous Demand To Know

Rodney Dangerfield No Respect Jokes

28 With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to become out. He wants me to leave.

29 I tell yous, with my doc, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and go some balance. Check Out Really Funny Doctor Jokes We Collected For You

thirty When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my begetter, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could just he pulled through."

31 When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "Nosotros want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

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32 What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

33 I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

34 When I played in the sandbox the cat kept roofing me upwards.

35 1 year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.

36 I worked in a pet shop and people kept request how big I'd get.

37 I knew a girl then ugly, she had a face like a saint, a Saint Bernard!

38 When my onetime homo wanted south**, my mother would bear witness him a flick of me.

39 My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

40 What a babyhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

41 I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

42 Some dog I got too. Nosotros call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

43 I told my dentist my teeth are going yellowish. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

44 In one case when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to assist me find my parents.

45 I'1000 not a due south*** guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her toll.

46 My uncle's dying wish was to accept me sitting on his lap. He was in the electrical chair.

47 I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of due south** then I showed them. They said it wasn't enough.

48 Oh, when I was a kid in evidence business organisation I was poor. I used to become to orgies to consume the grapes.

49 I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a rima oris like hers it had a claw on the end of information technology.

fifty I asked my old homo if I could become ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

51 I tell you, I'm not a southward*** guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

52 Last calendar week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doctor, I proceed thinking I'm a domestic dog." He told me to get off his couch.

53 Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I proceed thinking nigh suicide." He told me from now on I take to pay in advance.

54 I call up the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my begetter. He said he wanted more than proof.

55 I said to him, "Practice you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. In that location are and so many places they tin hide."

56 I knew a daughter and then ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That'southward when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her caput breaks.

57 Concluding Halloween a child tried to rip my face up off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different. When I open the door the kids hand me processed.

58 My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If y'all don't listen, I'd like a 2nd opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

59 I call up I was then depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark…"

lx I knew a girl so ugly, they employ her in prisons to cure s** offenders. I knew a girl and so ugly, I took her to the meridian of the Empire Country building and planes started to assault her.

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